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When this is My Heaven
love story of me. TT^TT 
4th-Aug-2011 09:49 am
Bleeding Beauty
Author: ameshizuku 
Title: the You And I story
Band: Alice Nine
Pairing: shouXhiroto
Disclaimer: Do not own characters....only story line...
Rating: PG
Summary: Teen love... hormones or reality?

ARCHIVE: http://ameshizuku.livejournal.com/41106.html#cutid1

At the stoplight on my way to my evening class, I was in the car with my brother on the passenger's side. It was precisely around 6:20 or so and I saw him. I saw him walking across the street before me.
A nice gray t-shirt stretched down his frame and hung slightly from it. Medium blue jeans that were neither too tight nor too loose around his legs were what hugged his hips. Cute kicks, his faded black All stars, were what he stood upon as he took each step. I saw his nicely kept hair, his ear piercing that shined in the evening sun's light.
He walked with such grace. He walked with such stunning beauty. My heart raced within my rib cage as I looked at his face that was just flawless. His mood was in a dreamy trance. He was thinking of something uplifting. My window was opened. Right when he was reaching towards the sidewalk that was on my side, I then worked up the courage to finally say, "Hi Shou-kun!"
His attention was diverted from the way ahead and he turned to find the voice's owner. That was when our gazes met. I waved casually and gave him a sweet smile. But that just doesn't beat theway he smiled back at me. It was just so... wonderful. No, cute. No, it was both of them. No, it was all the words that describes that smile as just appealing. I melted inside when his smile showed.
I have no clue how I looked like, but I was pretty sure he turned my gaze from just a friendly glance into a googley-eyed stare. I smiled as I watched his take his next step towards his way walking home. My brother then went across as soon as the light turned green. A little part of me died inside. He was just there, he was just here before me. I didn't dare look at my brother knowing I was most likely blushing.
My brother smiled and said, "That's Shou-kun?" I smiled and nodded watching him from the side-door mirror. I sighed. Thankfully he didn't notice my love struck moment. He tilted his head and smiled. "He's skinny..." I chuckled adoring his frame in my head. "Yeah he is... but he doesn't like eating much..." My aniki just nodded. "Yeah he added me on facebook, but I don't know how he really looks like... cause I only saw him that one time he came over..."
I nodded. "Yeah... well we still need to have our adventure soon..." My brother nodded and then changed the subject to my evening class. I started the going off on that, yet in the back of my mind, Shou-kun still swam around in my brain.
Ah how I can still recall that day he walked me home. It was about two months ago, the second day of finals. We were in the same math class. I texted him and we were heading over to see out math grade. I pouted and folded my arms. "My sister's not picking up her phone... guess I don't have a ride.." I sighed. He smiled. "I can walk you home..." I looked at him. "Aren't you going to be doing something?" He shook his head and I smiled. "Okay cool!"
We were walking down the hallway and I was whining about my D in math class, telling him I was gonna die when my mom found out. He put his arm around my shoulders and shook his head. "It's okay! If I tell you my mom is going to hit me when she sees I have  C will if make you feel better?" I just looked at him and screamed out a little 'AHH!' He then pulled me in for a hug. "Ne Hiroto-kun... it's all going to be okay ne? I'm here..." I blushed and smiled seeing through his eyes.
Just five inches taller than me. I felt like we were perfect. I looked at the time as we continued walking to the front of the school. "Mmm it's almost 12:10...." He then chuckled. "I think I'm late for a date..." I gasped and looked at him. "YOU HAD A DATE?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" He shrugged. "I'm already late... what does it matter. I need to walk you home." I looked at him with unsure eyes. "Are you sure about that? I mean you didn't have to cancel your date to walk me home and-" He shook his head and took my hand for a moment. "I'm walking you home okay? Dates can wait, and besides my date isn't even ready yet..."
I nodded feeling a little less like I was hogging him. He smiled as we continued walking. I then threw my arms up. "Let's go on an adventure!" He smiled and nodded. "Okay where at?" I shrugged. "Around school!" He looked at me as if I was kidding. "Around school?!" I nodded. He shook his head. "Nah, let's go out somewhere..." I tilted my head. "Eh?" He smiled as we were heading across the street heading up the big hill. "Like where?" He shrugged. "How about Vons." I looked at him. "Eh? When?" He looked at me as I walked beside him a little closer. He smiled. "How about now? It's not that far..."
My heart was racing so fast. I didn't know what to say. I shrugged knowing that my brother was still at home waiting for his friend to pick him up to go to his intern. "Let me call my aniki first... see what he's up to." He nodded and we walked still. I smiled plotting in my mind what I was going to do with Shou-kun. My brother said he was going to head out pretty soon. I liked that idea. Then I'd be home alone with Shou-kun in my house because my mom and dad were all at work, and my little brother was at his school. Everything would be perfect.
I told him we should have our adventure another time, he said he was all right with that. I then told him we could hang out at my house for a moment. He nodded and kept walking on. He then laughed and told me about dating and his dating tips. It's pretty shocking. Shou-kun. I thought he would be innocent, but I never knew, he is tainted. Oh but that makes me even more curious to know about what he knows and what he likes. He was telling me that he kept his mind wrapped around friends and relationships being separate. My heart split up a little bit. But I pretended not to show anything.
He told me he liked having his neck massaged, because I already massaged his neck a few times before. I chuckled. "Wait until I give you a back massage." He nodded. "Please do! Oh... but no shirt off okay?" I looked at him and said , "Ah! I-I don't do skin on skin contact... it's just bleh!" I shivered. He laughed. "In that case everything off!" I gasped. "AHH!! NO!! What happens if my brother sees that?!" He laughed. "Or your parents!" I just looked at him with that 'OMG' look. He chuckled. "That'd be fun..." I shook my head. "I-I think not..." He nodded. "Don't worry, I won't do that." Shou patted my head. "You're so innocent.." I rolled my eyes. "Everyone says that.." He nodded. "It's true!'
As soon as we reached my house, He tilted his head as I dragged him. He chuckled. "Jeez no need to be so hasty!" He chuckled and shrugged. "Well I don't want you to leave too soon." That was in my mind actually I just chuckled and tilted my head. "Oh stop being a baby.." He pouted. "I am no baby!" I smiled and walked him down the hall after taking off our shoes. I then, almost had a heart attack seeing my brother still home. "What are you still doing here?!!" He looked away from his computer screen and over at me. "Oh my buddy's coming... soon..." I nodded. "Uh okay then... anyways... this!"
I pulled Shou out from the hall way and beside me and smiled. "This is Shou-kun..." My brother looked over at him and nodded. "Hello..." Shou smiled and bowed his head a bit. I then took him to my room. It was embarrassing a bit, usually I kept it clean, but oh finals had my room looking like a heap of shit. I blushed. "Sorry it's all messy!" Shou just smiled. "It's fine Pon... it's a lot cleaner than my room." I chuckled. "Eh? Really?" He nodded. "Yeah that's why I sleep in the living room..." I tilted my head. "Curious.." He smiled and put his book and his sweater down. I looked at him and then saw my basket of folded laundry with my undies in it.
"AH! I need to put this away!" He smirked. "Oh?? Are your undies in there?" I blushed. "Yes! I just didn't have the chance to put them away yet!" He chuckled. "Mmm mind if I peek?" I glared at him playfully. "HENTAI!" He shrugged. "Ne you know I love you..." Mmm. Thos words. I remember the first time he said those words. it was in a more playful way the way he tells me. But I can't help but to wish it was so much more. I sighed and then stood up in front of where he was sitting.
"Lie down..."
He looked at me as if I was going to rape him or something. "NANI?!" I rolled my eyes. "I said lie down! You said you wanted a back massage..." He smiled. "Oh!" I rolled my eyes as he lied on his stomach. "You honestly think I'm going to rape you or something?" He laughed and then moaned as I rubbed his back. He gasped. He was enjoying this. I could tell. I had the temptation to sit on top of him and massage his back, but I didn't want to make it feel totally awkward. So after his back massage, I took one of my brother's sketch books to show him that I was no artist compared to my brother. He sat on my bed looking at the artwrok and I lied down beside him. I liked looking up at him from the angle below.
It was nice. I just hope nothing was going on in his mind about anything that would make him think wrong of me. After he was done, I gave the book back to my brother and led him to the kitchen. That was when he told me he had to go. "I pouted. "Okay... have a safe walk home then.." he smiled and pulled me in for a hug. "I will... thank you~" I nodded as I let him put his shoes on and watched him leave my house. My heart twirled after that. I felt so, I dunno, so in love.
After that day, I never saw him again that summer. We did text each other often though. We always ended our convos with 'love you -chu- <3'. I prayed to the lord that no one would ever see these haha. But anyways, there was this one day that always haunts me. That text that makes me confused if he really thinks that friends can't be lovers. He sent it to me and we were talking about children, because I always babysat my cousins. I said I like kids, but a lot at one time is just frustrating. He told me he loved babies, he wants at least five or maybe more! But then he veered off into a part when he told me "Not to make things awkward, but if you were a girl, I'd change my ways for you..."
That just made my heart go bump even more. I still recall that text to this day. Every moment this summer I've been dwelling on him. He has told me he's been out on a few dates here and there, but I want to spend time with him.
This happened not to long ago, when I was in my room lying down in my bed trying to sleep at about twelve, I didn't text him in like a few days, but he suddenly texted me at 12:05 and said 'Night = ) I love chu <3' I can't help but to think that maybe I'm still on his mind somewhere. He knows a lot of people, but maybe I'm just one of his friends that is just well, like me. A cute person who's innocent and needs to learn more about places and dating. Who knows. I've never had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. No one has ever asked me out. But  I will see what happens.
I ask him when we will ever have our adventure together, he just tells me 'we will soon okay?' but what I want to know is how long is that 'soon'? It seems like forever. But he's taking a few college courses this summer to that maybe why. We've talked on the phone three times this summer. Our first conversation was about his ex and his feelings, I helped make him feel better, the next one I just called him to say good night and he smiled (is it odd to feel awkward saying 'I love you' with your voice instead of letters?) and the last one was about his essay on business.
I just want to talk to him in person. I want to see his smile. I want to hear his laugh. I want to hold his hand. I want to hug his frame. Now here I am to this day, dwelling upon something I tell myself endlessly that I shouldn't get tied up in.
Oh sweet heart, please give him up. Yet again when you try to forget something, you'll always remember it. But if you spend more time around it, it will not go away either. Oh crushes, and everything, I can't help but wonder if this is just a hormonal thing.
Hiroto what did you tie yourself into?
*sigh* Someday... soon.... soon. That word echoes in the back of my mind. Soon. He will be here. Soon. I will wait until that Soon comes.
That place on my neck where he blew his hot breath and tainted my skin still tingles. When he first did that, I think I either gasped or moaned, but he laughed liking the sound of it. I could hear him going "Ooo!" and giggling at the same time. I still wonder why he did that. It was  IN CLASS too! Embarrassing, but deep inside, I was wanting him to do that. Did he read my mind that day? I will never know.
But the question. To tell him? Or to not tell him? That is the question that my little heart lingers around. Curse my weak emotional states. Well good night. I love you my journal for listening to my whole love rant story.
If I didn't have you, I'd be in an emotional breakdown. So.... I don't know why I do this, but the next song to play means what he feels for me: The Future - Epik High
I will just be his: Next Love - Clazziquai
0///////_///////0 will i really be in his future? will i really be his next love? No one will know. We will see. Good night dear journal, and I pray please let me sleep well without tossing or turning with him in my mind. 
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So yes readers, those of you keeping up with my own love story, this fic is based entirely on it. Just a few modifications, but that is how it all went down. I hope you all enjoy and I am so sorry to be away for a LONG while! I just feel so terrible! My poor fics, if they could, they'd kill me right now.  
But hang tight and enjoy~ Love you all!!
4th-Aug-2011 05:26 pm (UTC)
Awe what a lovely fic. sound all sorts of confusing to me. I hope your doing better. I Don't think your fics would kill you......maybe harm but not kill ^_^
11th-Aug-2011 09:18 pm (UTC)
aww thanks~
haha and yeah maybe... but I hope things get better soon...
4th-Aug-2011 09:20 pm (UTC)
ooh i missed you~
and your fics >w<, plz tell me you are going to continue this.
11th-Aug-2011 09:18 pm (UTC)
haha I am continuing this~ :)
and thank you! I missed u 2!
7th-Aug-2011 08:18 pm (UTC)
Ohh.. I think this is one of your best fics O__O I really really like it, because it is so real :)
Plese, pretty please, continue *__* ♥
11th-Aug-2011 09:17 pm (UTC)
*blushes* Aww thank you so much... haha and I shall continue this riight??
12th-Aug-2011 09:57 am (UTC)
Gah! refreshing~ i haven't read from in a while so it was refresing. Poor hiroto wondering about shou
16th-Aug-2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
awww haha thank you! ^0^
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